The GWC Applecake Project: Bruce Campbell Edition!

Here ye, here ye! It's time for the annual GWC Bruce Campbell movie night, and yours truly - being a host of extraordinary magnificence - is making the GWC Applecake for the occation. Buckle up Bonehead, 'cause you're going for a ride!

What you'll need:

• 3 eggs
• 1.3 desilitres of milk (no low-fat crap)
• 3,3 desilitres of sugar (no substitutes, baby)
• 100 grams of butter (the real thing)
• 4 desilitres of flour (the white stuff)
• 2 teaspoons of baking soda
• 4-5 apples (firm and sour)
• sugar and cinnamon for apples and the topping...
• assorted kitchen-related powertools
• coffee (geek fuel)

Got that? Allright Mr. Fancypants, start out with peeling the apples - yes, this is the most ardous task of the entire project, but it has to be done - use whatever tool you find best for the job. Cut those apples into nice, chunky pieces and put them in a plastic baggie filled with a good amount of cinnamon and a little sugar. When all the apples are cut and in the baggie, give it a good shake so that every slice of apple is covered in sugar and cinnamon. Put the baggie aside for now.

Start melting some butter, add the milk when most of the butter is melted. Let the butter/milk combo cool off for a while.

Fire up your favourite kitchen-applience (steampowered or otherwise) adding the eggs and sugar: give it a good 1500 rpm whirl until the eggs- and sugar mix turn slightly white. Groovy!

Mix in two teaspoons of baking soda in the flour - I do this before adding the mixture to the egg/sugar mix. Pour the melted butter/milk into the egg/sugar combo, and gently sift the flour/bakingsoda into the mix. Give the whole thing another good whirl in your PowerBlender 3000 Mk. 2 (or whatever tool you see fit). Set your oven to 180 degrees celsius so it'll be ready
for the soon-to-be assembled cake.

Melt some additional butter, and wipe your cake form (standard 25 cms in diametre will do nicely) with it: this is essential to keep our cake from being disintegrated when removed from the form later on. Pour the dough - yes, it's supposed to be pretty thin, be prepared for some leakage - into the form. Now comes the fun part: get the baggie with cinnamon-and-sugar coated apples, and start inserting the pieces of apple into the cake - there are many ways to do this, and as long as the apples are somewhat evenly distributed you're free to do this in whatever way you prefer. Me, I usually start from the outside and work my way towards the middle of the form - personal preference, nothing else. Finally, sprinkle a good dash of cinnamon and a little sugar on top of it.

Insert the cake into the now heated oven (180 degrees celsius, remember) on a tray in the middle and leave it there for about 40 minutes, or until you see the top of it having a nice, brownish hue: at this point, remove the cake, poke it gently with a pin or sharp knife to see if it's cooked all the way through - it usually isn't. Then, wrap some aluminium foil on top of it,and re-insert it into the oven at a lower level to prevent the top from being burnt. I usually leave it for 10-15 minutes before applying the knife/pin test again: repeat this procedure until the dough doesn't stick to the knife/pin, this is your cue that the sucker is cooked all the way through.

Remove the cake from the oven and leave it to cool down for a good hour or two: we want it warm, but not scolding like the bowels of Hell. When it's cooled down sufficiently, GENTLY remove the form while uttering the sacred words "Clatto, Verata, Nicto!" - or the the Evil Dead will rise once ag... ehm, I mean, it'll collapse horrifically before your very eyes. A loaded
shotgun - I mean, a sharp knife - may be a good ally in this process.

That's all, you primates. Best served warm with a wallop of vanilla ice-cream and (optionally) some Jack Daniels. And remember: Shop Smart, shop S-Mart. You *got* that?!